Psychology
Psychology is the study of mental processes and human behavior. Conveniently, it combines elements of both philosophy and self-help: A good portion of psychological research aims not just to describe why we are the way we are but also to prescribe certain strategies in an effort to achieve a particular outcome.
The complexity of human nature has given rise to many different branches of psychology including social psychology, evolutionary psychology, cognitive psychology, clinical psychology and others.
I draw on a variety of psychological research to help elucidate strategies for dealing with life’s difficulties and living better.
The internet makes it easy to live inside our own little content bubbles where we are protected from any viewpoints other than those with which we already agree. But this is a big problem. When we aren't exposed to opposing perspectives, we don’t learn how to relate to the people who hold them. I’ve put together a short list of tips for engaging with people who hold views contrary to your own.
In a previous post, I tried to make the case that well-being is the process of consistently meeting our diverse and conflicting needs in balanced and adaptive ways. In this post, I’ll show you how to apply this information to create a rich and fulfilling life. I’ll share with you some of the ways in which I personally meet each need in my own life and offer some questions to help you assess whether or not you are honoring each need in yours…
We have two fundamental yet conflicting sets of needs: those that support stability and those that support growth.
Many modern people assume change and growth are unquestionably good things. Marketers and politicians use this assumption to their advantage:
“This will change your life!”
“I can change the world!”
“Grow your business to 7 figures!”
But this perspective only tells one side of the story. Growth isn’t always a good thing and not all change is progress…
Given the kind of year we had in 2020, I’ve been thinking a lot about dysfunction.
What causes people to become imbalanced and chaotic? How can we restore balance and cultivate well-being, both on the individual and collective levels?
Of course, there are many possible answers to these questions. However, I think they share a common theme:
Dysfunction happens when we fail to honor the full range of values necessary for human flourishing.
Conversely, well-being emerges when we cultivate and pursue this full range of values in balanced and adaptive ways.
Let me explain…
The reality is that life is full of unpleasant experiences. The ability to effectively deal with obstacles and setbacks and return to healthy psychological functioning is a sign of resilience. Mental health and well-being aren’t achieved by eradicating all problems from our lives but by learning how to deal with them effectively…
Have you ever noticed how life is full of paradoxes? For example:
Failure often leads to success.
Coming to terms with death can help us better appreciate life.
The more you learn, the more you realize how little you know.
As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it.
Here’s another one of life’s paradoxes: If we want to experience the positive, we must also be willing to experience the negative.
Isn’t it interesting how we can intellectually understand a piece of wisdom but not practice it in our daily lives?
I’d like to tell you about a hard-won truth I recently internalized after many years.
I’ll sum it up in a sentence and then tell you more about my experience:
The willingness to face uncomfortable emotions is the path to inner peace…
For the past couple weeks, I haven’t been feeling like myself. I’ve been physically exhausted, emotionally burnt out, creatively stagnant, and psychologically depressed. I’ve been feeling like I’ve been battling an invisible monster.
On top of it all, I’ve also been feeling like a fraud: Even though I know many strategies to help me deal with these kinds of obstacles, I haven’t been using them. This has caused me to question my very credibility as a teacher, which has taken me down several dark rabbit holes.
Then, a couple days ago, I had an insight that stabilized my mood and gave me some hope and motivation. It was something I already knew but had forgotten…
I’ve been a dad for six months now so I thought it now would be a good time to reflect on some of the things I’ve learned so far.
Being a parent is a great and challenging responsibility. After all, we are raising the next generation of adults. It’s important to make sure we are passing on the correct values and creating self-sufficient and useful adults.
Despite the fact that we need to teach our children how to conduct themselves, they also have a fair amount to teach us. They are pure creatures who haven’t been beat up by life yet so their perspective is basically as unbiased and untainted as possible.
Here are 6 lessons I’ve learned from my little one over the past six months…
This category is a bit harder to describe than the previous two, partly because it’s so ubiquitous (how do you explain water to a fish?) In a nutshell, it has to do with balancing opposing forces in order to establish harmony. It is characterized by equilibrium but also by paradox. In many ways, it is axiomatic because it describes how the world is ordered and the natural rhythm of life. It’s the philosophy behind the Yin Yang symbol. Here are a few concrete examples…
If you browse the self-help section of almost any bookstore, there seem to be nearly infinite principles, strategies and tips for living well.
But it goes deeper than self-help. Psychology, religion, philosophy and other fields all offer advice for how we ought to conduct ourselves and treat others: Meditate. Be more productive. Journal. Live in the now. Love thy neighbor. Be more assertive. Practice gratitude. Never be satisfied. Focus on the positive. Prepare for the worst case scenario. Be self-aware. Accept yourself.
It can be overwhelming.
But what if there are far fewer self-improvement principles than we think there are?
If you look at the self-help section of almost any bookstore, there seem to be nearly infinite principles, strategies and tips for living well. But is this really the case? What if there are far fewer life principles than we think there are?
Being a student of personal development and other related fields for the past 15 years, I’ve been exposed to a massive amount of ideas. Recently, I’ve been thinking about the best way to organize this information in order to make sense of it all…
Disagreeing can be frustrating but there can also be great value in it. In this episode, I discuss four obstacles that keep us from disagreeing constructively, along with several strategies for overcoming them.
(Read time: 3-4 minutes)
This post briefly outlines a framework for deciding where to invest your time.
You may have already realized, as I have, that the actions you take to improve your life are not equal; they exist on different levels.
Some are more direct, meaning their benefit is linear and specific. Examples include things like working a job, going to the grocery store, responding to an email, and deciding what you're going to wear. Let's call these Level 1 actions, or direct actions.
However, some actions are more meta, meaning their benefits are multidimensional and have a kind of cascade effect on other actions…
(Read time: 2-3 minutes)
You've probably heard the phrase: "Fake it ‘til you make it."
I agree with this advice but with one caveat: Don’t fake the superficial stuff. Fake the meaningful stuff.
Don’t fake the money.
Don’t fake the accomplishments.
Don’t fake the ego.
This is a horrible waste of time and energy and it gets you nowhere. Instead...
Fake the consistency.
Fake the work ethic.
Fake the action.
For many things in life, pretending is just as good as the real thing. In fact, for some things the difference is indistinguishable…
Our personality plays a huge role in our lives. It shapes how we view the world and frame events. Believe it or not, certain traits can even predict how happy we are, how we vote, and how successful we are in our chosen careers.
Understanding my own personality has helped me see my own strengths and weaknesses more clearly. I've been able to use this information to develop a more customized approach to personal development.
In this post, I’ll share the most compelling, insightful, and well-researched personality framework that psychologists use to measure traits…
Years ago, before I even knew the word introvert, I knew that I really enjoyed spending time alone. In fact, I needed a certain amount of time to myself in order to stay sane. I was fine with this. Truth is, I was at my most creative and clear-headed when I was alone, which I saw as a major advantage.
Once I learned what an introvert was, it was obvious to me that I was one of them. At the time, I wasn’t sure how anyone could be otherwise (or why anyone would want to be).
Then I learned what an extrovert was. It was clear that extraversion also came with its own set of advantages. Understanding this trait helped explain behavior I found baffling, such as the need some people had to constantly talk, even when there was nothing to say…
Below is an ongoing list of advice I’ve compiled for myself in a note in my phone. I started writing it as a way to remember the things that have worked well for me in the past because I was tired of forgetting them, then having to rediscover them months or years later. The cycle would go something like this:
I’d find something that worked well for me -- a habit, a mindset, a food, anything.
I’d integrate it into my life for a while.
I’d eventually forget about it weeks or months later and would have to solve the same problem from scratch multiple times.
I’d eventually rediscover this thing that had helped me in the past and integrate it into my life once again.
This list covers various areas of my life and is somewhat random. It’s mostly unedited, except for clarity and (most) grammatical errors…
In this article, I look at overthinking (and its cousin, anxiety) from an evolutionary perspective and offer some practical strategies that have helped me deal with them more effectively.
As far as I can tell, overthinking is largely a modern problem. In evolutionary time, it’s only been a blink of an eye since we’ve mastered our environment to the extent that we have. Although there are many people who still face survival-related problems on a daily basis, most of us live in relative comfort compared to our hunter-gatherer ancestors.
One of the many unintended consequences of our massive ecological success as a species is that because it happened so quickly, our brains haven’t had a chance to adapt accordingly. As a result, we’re no longer certain what to worry about.
Our brains are still running the same “survival software” that helped keep us alive for millions of years. That software continues to look for problems, even when there are none…
Being an effective learner means understanding information at multiple levels and being able to recall it at will in order to solve problems. Most of us aren’t taught the principles of effective learning in school. We are taught what to learn but not how to learn. In this post, I outline the 4 most important principles for remembering more of what you read.
I am curious by nature. I love learning new ideas and concepts. Especially ones that cause me to see the world in new and novel ways.
This love of learning new things is generally a good thing...except when it’s not. Sometimes too much information can be counterproductive.
Consuming information is pointless unless you use it to better your life or someone else’s. By constantly seeking new information and failing to take the time to fully digest what you've already consumed, you neither fully absorb it nor use it. It's like chewing a nutritious meal and then spitting it out before swallowing. You don't get any of the benefits.
What's important is not the sheer quantity of information you consume but rather how much of it you retain and actually put to use…
This post is a bit of a change of pace from my normal content. I usually write about the mental side of personal development but this post is about the physical health side.
After posting about my morning routine on Instagram Stories, I received dozens of messages asking what exact products I take and why. This post will explain that.
I believe personal development is about improving all aspects of your life, not just your mindset.
I'm kind of obsessed with how the human brain works. Lately, I’ve been particularly obsessed with how to make it work better — how to think better, how to learn better and how to maximize my overall cognitive potential.
Books like Brain Rules and audio courses like "Your Best Brain" have been a big help with this. I'm also a fan of brain-supporting foods, herbs, and supplements like walnuts, bacopa, and omega-3s.
One evening, I googled “how to increase neuronal activity” (just another one of my crazy Friday nights) and I came across this Scientific American article that talked about strategies for increasing one's cognitive potential.
You may have heard of the term confirmation bias. It is the tendency to search for, interpret, or recall information in a way that confirms your preexisting beliefs or theories.
Usually, when people talk about confirmation bias, it is in the context of pointing out someone's faulty logic or biased thinking.
It’s true that this cognitive quirk can cloud your reasoning, especially if you are trying to think in a strictly scientific way. However, what you may not realize is that it can also help you create better beliefs if you use it cleverly enough...
The new year is upon us and it is around this time when many people set New Year's resolutions for themselves -- goals to improve their life somehow.
Unfortunately, as most of us know, these once firm decisions often fall by the wayside a couple months into the year. But why? One of the most common reasons cited is a lack of motivation. But how accurate is this claim?
Let’s get one thing straight: You do not lack motivation. Actually, nobody does.
Why am I so confident about this? Well, let’s think about what motivation actually is...
You may be familiar with with popular adage, “Your focus creates your reality.” Variants of this saying also include:
“You get what you focus on, so focus on what you want.”
“Energy flows where attention goes.”
“What you focus on expands.”
I love pithy maxims as much as the next person but I’m more interested in practical wisdom.
When I hear a quote or idea that resonates with me, I typically ask questions like, “What makes this true? What basis does this statement have in reality?” “Can I corroborate this with an experience from my own life?”
I’ve found that sayings that have been around for a long time tend to contain at least some truth or wisdom. It turns out there is a lot of wisdom packed into the idea that your focus creates your reality. Let me walk you through a short exercise that will demonstrate, on a small scale, how your powerful your focus can be...
Many of the beliefs that hold you back from living your best life are not true -- at least not in the objective, scientific sense. In other words, they are not absolute, inviolable laws of nature. Rather, they are only subjectively true to you. The reason they seem true is because of a quirky mechanism your brain has.
Psychology has a name for this mechanism. It’s called confirmation bias, or the tendency to search for, interpret, and recall information in a way that confirms your pre-existing beliefs or theories. Basically, when you think something might be true, your brain immediately goes to work to find more evidence that supports your theory.
This tendency to jump to conclusions about our theories is
I often talk about the benefits of reading and the positive impact it has had on my personal development. While there's no doubt it is a valuable learning tool, I want to emphasize several vital aspects of the learning process I don't discuss quite as often: experience, observation, and critical thinking.
Indeed, these are the most powerful learning tools you have at your disposal. You can easily forget something you read within a week, but the lessons you learn through experience and figuring things out for yourself often last a lifetime.
Over the years, I've realized the primary purpose of reading is to...
One of the most important aspects of personal development—especially as we approach our 30s and beyond—is integrating our shadow.
You can think about the shadow in a number of different ways but it’s basically all those parts about ourselves we don’t want to admit to or face.
One of the best symbolic representations of how the shadow works is in Harry Potter…