For the past couple weeks, I’ve felt by turns physically exhausted, emotionally burnt out, creatively stagnant, and psychologically depressed.
Some contributing factors include but are not limited to:
The challenges of parenthood
Anxiety about the global pandemic
Trying to write a book that unifies the most important lessons I’ve learned into a cohesive framework
On top of it all, I’ve also been feeling like a fraud: Even though I know many strategies to help me deal with these kinds of obstacles, I haven’t been using them. This has caused me to question my very credibility as a teacher, a train of thought which has led me down several dark rabbit holes.
Then, a couple days ago, I had an insight that stabilized my mood and renewed my motivation. It was something I already knew but had forgotten:
This part of the story is supposed to be hard.
This sentence by itself may not mean much to you so allow me to elaborate.
The Big Picture
In most situations, I’m pretty good at seeing the big picture. In the realm of politics, for example, I’ve come to understand that one side doesn’t have all the answers and that a diversity of political belief is what keeps our society running (relatively) smoothly. This has helped prevent me from getting stuck in the matrix of political ideology and dogmatism.
But every now and then, I hit a rough patch—a creative stumbling block, a setback, a bout of negative emotion—and succumb to the delusion that what is happening now has always been and will always be. I forget a crucial fact: I am just passing through one stage in a predictable cycle.
It’s like the stock market. On a micro scale, it might appear volatile or low. This is a graph of the Dow Jones Industrial Average in 2009:
Source: www.macrotrends.net
But if you zoom out and look at it on a macro scale, the overall trend is upward, despite the dips. Here is a graph of the Dow over a 12 year period from 2008 to 2020:
Source: www.macrotrends.net
“Adversity is not something to avoid or bemoan but something to confront and accept. It’s an inevitable part of a great and meaningful adventure: The Hero’s Journey.”
The Hero’s Journey
Another way to think about this idea is in terms of The Hero’s Journey—a concept first articulated through the research of depth psychologist Carl Jung and later elaborated on by Joseph Campbell and others.
The Hero’s Journey is not some arbitrary framework. On the contrary, it maps out a set of evolved patterns of behavior that represent how to act in the face of the unknown, how to go from where you are to somewhere better—a journey that humans have been undertaking in various forms since time immemorial.
Photo credit: Myths & Monsters (TV series)
These patterns of behavior evolved over the course of hundreds of thousands, if not millions of years. We began by observing each other and imitating adaptive behaviors exhibited by the most successful individuals. Over time, we incorporated these behaviors into play and ritual, formalized them into drama and story, crystallized them into myth, codified them into religion, and finally, articulated them in philosophy. This is why The Hero’s Journey is the oldest story in the world. It’s why it appears in virtually all human cultures. It’s why it’s hardwired into our psyche and our biology.
In every hero’s journey, there’s a stage called The Road of Trials, followed by The Ordeal or The Belly of the Whale. These are stages in which The Hero must face great difficulties and obstacles—even Chaos itself. They are necessary steps on the path to the achieving The Ultimate Reward.
Of course, this reflects how life actually works: We can’t achieve anything of significant value without experiencing some challenges along the way. In mythological terms, we can’t get the gold without confronting the Dragon. The greater the reward we seek, the greater the obstacles and challenges we encounter on the way to achieving it.
In my case, the Ultimate Reward (or, if you prefer, Holy Grail) I’m seeking is to write and publish a book that unifies the most important things I’ve learned throughout my life into a cohesive framework that will positively impact my life and the lives of others. With a goal like this, of course I will need to face some dragons along the way. Of course I will need to overcome Resistance and Self-Doubt. Of course it won’t be easy. That’s just part of the journey. It’s how the story goes.
Another journey I am undertaking currently is raising a competent child who will hopefully become a successful adult. Again, no small feat. Hence, the struggle.
Setting Proper Expectations
Why is it useful to know what part of the story we’re in? So we can prepare accordingly. I’ve learned that when it comes to dealing with obstacles, half the battle is properly calibrating my expectations.
Imagine if you were blindfolded and put on a roller coaster without knowing what was happening. The unexpected twists and turns and drops would be a jolting and unpleasant experience for most.
If, however, you rode the roller coaster without a blindfold (like a normal human) you would at least know what to expect and what kind of ride you were getting on. And you’d probably have an exhilarating and enjoyable experience to boot.
Reminding myself that difficulties, discomfort, and problems are normal, predictable, and universal human experiences somehow makes them easier to bear. I can approach them with more confidence and acceptance: “Ah yes, this is the part of the story that’s supposed to be hard. Let’s do this.”
The Moral of the Story
Seen through the lens of the Hero’s Journey, adversity is not something to avoid or bemoan but something to confront and accept. It’s an inevitable part of a great and meaningful adventure. At least that’s how I’ve come to see it.
Where are you in your Hero’s Journey?
Ruben Chavez is a writer and host of The Think Grow Podcast.
Sources:
The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell
Maps of Meaning by Jordan B. Peterson
The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt