One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my 37 years on this planet is this:
Life wants to be experienced in its entirety—the good, the bad, the great, the ugly.
When we avoid, ignore, or otherwise cut ourselves off from uncomfortable or difficult experiences, they don’t go away.
Instead, they go underground where they fester in darkness, waiting to return in an uglier form later on…
The small bills you ignore become a mountain of debt.
The anger you repress becomes depression, rage, or resentment.
The hard conversations you avoid become fractured relationships.
The fear you don’t face becomes a terrifying monster.
The business idea you put off becomes a broken, painful dream.
The self-critical thoughts you deny become louder and more intrusive.
Point being, if we don’t confront the relatively small unpleasant things now, they will grow into much bigger and much more unpleasant things down the road and wreak havoc on your life.
This goes for both internal experiences (like emotions or thoughts) and also external events (like hard but necessary conversations).
The solution?
Acceptance and integration.
By acceptance, I mean the willingness to engage with reality as it is, rather than resisting or avoiding it.
By integration, I mean the process of incorporating something difficult into our life in a constructive way.
Most personal problems we experience stem from being unable or unwilling to accept and integrate something into our experience.
Learning to do this is the whole point of personal development (and to some degree, spirituality).
For example:
If you want to be mentally healthy, you must develop the ability to integrate unpleasant thoughts, emotions, and experiences into your life in a constructive way.
If you want to overcome your fears, you must integrate what scares you into your life, rather than avoid it.
If you want to live more authentically, you must integrate your negative qualities into your personality in healthy ways, along with your positive ones.
If you want to develop resilience, you must integrate discomfort into your life by consistently facing unpleasant situations and feelings rather than denying their existence.
If you want to get better at resolving disagreements, you must integrate opposing viewpoints into the argument and try to understand them rather than dismiss them.
Of course, this is all easier said than done.
If you’ve ignored or avoided something for too long, it might seem like a giant monster you don’t know how to approach.
You might feel overwhelmed.
You might not know how to change.
You might not even know exactly what the real problem is.
In these cases, you might need some guidance.
Someone to steer you in the right direction.
Someone to point out your blind spots.
Someone to show you the potential you might not see in yourself.
Someone to help you navigate the complexity.
If this sounds where you're currently at, I can help you.
I just finished putting together the curriculum for an 8-week workshop designed to help you end your self-defeating patterns and become the version of yourself you know you can be.
This is the deepest and most transformative program I’ve ever put together and I’m VERY excited about it.
To integrating yourself,
Ruben
P.S. I’m so pumped about this program and the opportunity to connect with you on a more personal level.
