Life Advice
Most of my writing in this category is aimed as some version of myself—past, present, or future.
What distinguishes life advice from philosophy? Philosophy doesn’t necessarily end with clear answers for what to do, life advice does. Whereas philosophy tries to make sense of information, life advice draws more definite prescriptions.
You can think of it like this: Life advice is the practical application of philosophy, just as technology is the practical application of science.
The internet makes it easy to live inside our own little content bubbles where we are protected from any viewpoints other than those with which we already agree. But this is a big problem. When we aren't exposed to opposing perspectives, we don’t learn how to relate to the people who hold them. I’ve put together a short list of tips for engaging with people who hold views contrary to your own.
I’ve been a dad for six months now so I thought it now would be a good time to reflect on some of the things I’ve learned so far.
Being a parent is a great and challenging responsibility. After all, we are raising the next generation of adults. It’s important to make sure we are passing on the correct values and creating self-sufficient and useful adults.
Despite the fact that we need to teach our children how to conduct themselves, they also have a fair amount to teach us. They are pure creatures who haven’t been beat up by life yet so their perspective is basically as unbiased and untainted as possible.
Here are 6 lessons I’ve learned from my little one over the past six months…
This category is a bit harder to describe than the previous two, partly because it’s so ubiquitous (how do you explain water to a fish?) In a nutshell, it has to do with balancing opposing forces in order to establish harmony. It is characterized by equilibrium but also by paradox. In many ways, it is axiomatic because it describes how the world is ordered and the natural rhythm of life. It’s the philosophy behind the Yin Yang symbol. Here are a few concrete examples…
If you browse the self-help section of almost any bookstore, there seem to be nearly infinite principles, strategies and tips for living well.
But it goes deeper than self-help. Psychology, religion, philosophy and other fields all offer advice for how we ought to conduct ourselves and treat others: Meditate. Be more productive. Journal. Live in the now. Love thy neighbor. Be more assertive. Practice gratitude. Never be satisfied. Focus on the positive. Prepare for the worst case scenario. Be self-aware. Accept yourself.
It can be overwhelming.
But what if there are far fewer self-improvement principles than we think there are?
If you look at the self-help section of almost any bookstore, there seem to be nearly infinite principles, strategies and tips for living well. But is this really the case? What if there are far fewer life principles than we think there are?
Being a student of personal development and other related fields for the past 15 years, I’ve been exposed to a massive amount of ideas. Recently, I’ve been thinking about the best way to organize this information in order to make sense of it all…
Disagreeing can be frustrating but there can also be great value in it. In this episode, I discuss four obstacles that keep us from disagreeing constructively, along with several strategies for overcoming them.
(Read time: 3-4 minutes)
This post briefly outlines a framework for deciding where to invest your time.
You may have already realized, as I have, that the actions you take to improve your life are not equal; they exist on different levels.
Some are more direct, meaning their benefit is linear and specific. Examples include things like working a job, going to the grocery store, responding to an email, and deciding what you're going to wear. Let's call these Level 1 actions, or direct actions.
However, some actions are more meta, meaning their benefits are multidimensional and have a kind of cascade effect on other actions…
(Read time: 2-3 minutes)
You've probably heard the phrase: "Fake it ‘til you make it."
I agree with this advice but with one caveat: Don’t fake the superficial stuff. Fake the meaningful stuff.
Don’t fake the money.
Don’t fake the accomplishments.
Don’t fake the ego.
This is a horrible waste of time and energy and it gets you nowhere. Instead...
Fake the consistency.
Fake the work ethic.
Fake the action.
For many things in life, pretending is just as good as the real thing. In fact, for some things the difference is indistinguishable…
Below is an ongoing list of advice I’ve compiled for myself in a note in my phone. I started writing it as a way to remember the things that have worked well for me in the past because I was tired of forgetting them, then having to rediscover them months or years later. The cycle would go something like this:
I’d find something that worked well for me -- a habit, a mindset, a food, anything.
I’d integrate it into my life for a while.
I’d eventually forget about it weeks or months later and would have to solve the same problem from scratch multiple times.
I’d eventually rediscover this thing that had helped me in the past and integrate it into my life once again.
This list covers various areas of my life and is somewhat random. It’s mostly unedited, except for clarity and (most) grammatical errors…
In this article, I look at overthinking (and its cousin, anxiety) from an evolutionary perspective and offer some practical strategies that have helped me deal with them more effectively.
As far as I can tell, overthinking is largely a modern problem. In evolutionary time, it’s only been a blink of an eye since we’ve mastered our environment to the extent that we have. Although there are many people who still face survival-related problems on a daily basis, most of us live in relative comfort compared to our hunter-gatherer ancestors.
One of the many unintended consequences of our massive ecological success as a species is that because it happened so quickly, our brains haven’t had a chance to adapt accordingly. As a result, we’re no longer certain what to worry about.
Our brains are still running the same “survival software” that helped keep us alive for millions of years. That software continues to look for problems, even when there are none…
Being an effective learner means understanding information at multiple levels and being able to recall it at will in order to solve problems. Most of us aren’t taught the principles of effective learning in school. We are taught what to learn but not how to learn. In this post, I outline the 4 most important principles for remembering more of what you read.
I am curious by nature. I love learning new ideas and concepts. Especially ones that cause me to see the world in new and novel ways.
This love of learning new things is generally a good thing...except when it’s not. Sometimes too much information can be counterproductive.
Consuming information is pointless unless you use it to better your life or someone else’s. By constantly seeking new information and failing to take the time to fully digest what you've already consumed, you neither fully absorb it nor use it. It's like chewing a nutritious meal and then spitting it out before swallowing. You don't get any of the benefits.
What's important is not the sheer quantity of information you consume but rather how much of it you retain and actually put to use…
This post is a bit of a change of pace from my normal content. I usually write about the mental side of personal development but this post is about the physical health side.
After posting about my morning routine on Instagram Stories, I received dozens of messages asking what exact products I take and why. This post will explain that.
I believe personal development is about improving all aspects of your life, not just your mindset.
I'm kind of obsessed with how the human brain works. Lately, I’ve been particularly obsessed with how to make it work better — how to think better, how to learn better and how to maximize my overall cognitive potential.
Books like Brain Rules and audio courses like "Your Best Brain" have been a big help with this. I'm also a fan of brain-supporting foods, herbs, and supplements like walnuts, bacopa, and omega-3s.
One evening, I googled “how to increase neuronal activity” (just another one of my crazy Friday nights) and I came across this Scientific American article that talked about strategies for increasing one's cognitive potential.
You may have heard of the term confirmation bias. It is the tendency to search for, interpret, or recall information in a way that confirms your preexisting beliefs or theories.
Usually, when people talk about confirmation bias, it is in the context of pointing out someone's faulty logic or biased thinking.
It’s true that this cognitive quirk can cloud your reasoning, especially if you are trying to think in a strictly scientific way. However, what you may not realize is that it can also help you create better beliefs if you use it cleverly enough...
The new year is upon us and it is around this time when many people set New Year's resolutions for themselves -- goals to improve their life somehow.
Unfortunately, as most of us know, these once firm decisions often fall by the wayside a couple months into the year. But why? One of the most common reasons cited is a lack of motivation. But how accurate is this claim?
Let’s get one thing straight: You do not lack motivation. Actually, nobody does.
Why am I so confident about this? Well, let’s think about what motivation actually is...
You may be familiar with with popular adage, “Your focus creates your reality.” Variants of this saying also include:
“You get what you focus on, so focus on what you want.”
“Energy flows where attention goes.”
“What you focus on expands.”
I love pithy maxims as much as the next person but I’m more interested in practical wisdom.
When I hear a quote or idea that resonates with me, I typically ask questions like, “What makes this true? What basis does this statement have in reality?” “Can I corroborate this with an experience from my own life?”
I’ve found that sayings that have been around for a long time tend to contain at least some truth or wisdom. It turns out there is a lot of wisdom packed into the idea that your focus creates your reality. Let me walk you through a short exercise that will demonstrate, on a small scale, how your powerful your focus can be...
Many of the beliefs that hold you back from living your best life are not true -- at least not in the objective, scientific sense. In other words, they are not absolute, inviolable laws of nature. Rather, they are only subjectively true to you. The reason they seem true is because of a quirky mechanism your brain has.
Psychology has a name for this mechanism. It’s called confirmation bias, or the tendency to search for, interpret, and recall information in a way that confirms your pre-existing beliefs or theories. Basically, when you think something might be true, your brain immediately goes to work to find more evidence that supports your theory.
This tendency to jump to conclusions about our theories is
I often talk about the benefits of reading and the positive impact it has had on my personal development. While there's no doubt it is a valuable learning tool, I want to emphasize several vital aspects of the learning process I don't discuss quite as often: experience, observation, and critical thinking.
Indeed, these are the most powerful learning tools you have at your disposal. You can easily forget something you read within a week, but the lessons you learn through experience and figuring things out for yourself often last a lifetime.
Over the years, I've realized the primary purpose of reading is to...
Have you ever read a book and loved it, but several months later couldn't remember what it was about? This has happened to me more times than I care to admit so I know how frustrating it can be.
Consuming an entire book is a significant time investment so if you can’t recall what you read, it feels like all that time you spent reading was wasted. Not a fun feeling.
This is especially true of books having to do with personal development, which make up a good portion of the books I recommend on TGP.
The whole point of reading these kind of books is to apply the information to your life so you can improve it. But it's hard to do if you can't remember what you read.
Not to worry -- I have some tips for you!
Below are some strategies that have helped me learn and recall information more effectively. I've arrived at these methods through years of trial and error and I am constantly updating and improving them. Sometimes I utilize all of these tools, sometimes only one or two. Apply them to your life however you see fit.
Have you ever had the feeling there’s something holding you back, but you can’t quite put your finger on it?
Maybe you want to start a business, have great relationships, read more books, exercise regularly...but you just don’t take the necessary action. You stay stuck.
I’ve been there. I’ve lived there.
Over the years, I’ve searched for answers as to why this happens. What I’ve learned might surprise you...
Your beliefs are the lens through which you experience the world around you. They are the operating system of your life and the filter through which you interpret your reality.
They are thoughts and assumptions that act as our mental map for how things are, what’s possible and not possible.
Beliefs also determine the meaning we give to our circumstances and the events of our lives.
In other words, beliefs are the stories we tell ourselves about our lives. Needless to say, they're pretty important...
As someone who has studied personal development principles for well over a decade, I take notice when I see celebrities and public figures applying these principles to their own lives. I happen to be a fan of Drake and have always admired how he talks about and applies personal development principles in his life and his music.
In this post, I look at some of these principles from a completely different angle than I normally do...
We hear it all the time:
"Do what you love!"
"Follow your passion!"
Everyone from Confucius and Joseph Campbell to Steve Jobs and Richard Branson have been quoted as giving some form of this advice. Usually it’s in relation to how we make a living.
The problem is that we are seldom given concrete instructions for how to actually go about doing what we love.
As a result, this message often comes across as abstract, impractical, or worse, unachievable, leading many people to dismiss the advice and even go so far as to call it unintelligent or irresponsible.
This is due to some simple but crucial misunderstandings and misconceptions that have turned into full blown myths surrounding this topic.
I want to clear up some of these myths now.
If we’re being honest, I have to admit that I’m not a huge fan of the word "passion"—at least not in this context. It's too abstract and can seem daunting to people who are just starting out.
Instead, I prefer to talk about excitement because it’s a more tangible, practical method for creating meaning in your life and work.
I've found that acting on the small things that excite you will help you get on the right path, which will lead you to your passion, which will eventually help you discover your purpose or mission in life.
The best part is that you do not need to know what your “passion” or “purpose” is before you start taking action on what excites you.
When you have the courage to consistently take action on the day-to-day things that excite you, the necessary people will appear in your life, the right opportunities will be drawn to you, circumstances will work themselves out and you will have an overall richer, more enjoyable life experience.
Since launching the "Mindset Shift Mini-Course." I've received a lot of emails asking me how to make the positive effects of the course more permanent in their lives.
Most of these messages present a similar issue:
"I found the course extremely helpful while doing it but I found myself going back to my negative thought patterns just a few days after finishing the course."
I'll address this FAQ in two parts:
- The truth of the matter is that the Mindset Shift Course is NOT designed to be a quick fix or the last word on developing an effective mindset. Life is messy and isn't always solved by one specific philosophy or set of rules. I've found the most effective way to make mental strategies and habits stick by taking daily actions and having a variety of tools at my disposal that help me feel balanced and focused.
- When I was just starting my journey, I also got discouraged when I found myself thinking "negative thoughts." Over the years, and after some study, I now know that I can use these kind of thoughts to my advantage! Negative thinking does not have to produce a negative outcome.
Because of books like The Secret and The Law of Attraction, many people think that we should never have negative thoughts and that negative thoughts are always a bad thing.
I wholeheartedly disagree. Not only is this idea impractical and stressful, I’ve found that it’s simply not true. We don't need to completely rid ourselves of negative thoughts, we just have to learn how to use them to our advantage.
To be clear, this isn't a "get-happy-quick" post. Rather these are some concepts and mindset shifts that you can apply to your life in a way that makes sense for you.
1. Make peace with your past
I used to drive myself crazy trying to figure out why certain things happened the way they did. Usually it was some kind of negative event that I wished had happened differently. I would replay different scenarios in my mind over and over again, wishing I would have said this or done that, etc.
Doing this stole a lot of my happiness. Even if something wonderful was happening in my life at the moment, I couldn’t fully enjoy it because I was mentally stuck in the past.
Have you ever experienced this?
I’m going to tell you something that you already know, but may need to hear again:
No matter how much you dwell on the past, it will never change it. It will only take away from your ability to enjoy the present moment.
Also, obsessing over negative past events makes it more likely that you’ll recreate those same kind of events in the future since that’s where your focus is.
We’ve all had challenging things happen to us—maybe even things that seem unfair or undeserved. I don’t mean to discount these at all. I only want to remind you to focusing on things you cannot control (like the past) greatly diminishes your happiness and focusing on things you can control has the power to increase your happiness.