The other day I asked part of my audience what they struggle with the most. Here were some of their answers:
Not standing up for myself and speaking my truth.
Constantly trying to please others while inconveniencing myself.
Not doing meaningful or exciting work.
Getting distracted and not sticking with my goals.
Worrying too much about the future.
Not being able to let go of negative thoughts and emotions.
Not having quality relationships.
Can you relate to any of these?
Here’s something that might surprise you…
These are only surface-level problems. They don’t get to the heart of the matter.
If you dig a little deeper, you’ll find that the common theme among all these challenges is…
FEAR.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of loneliness.
Fear of criticism.
Fear of failure.
Fear of success.
Fear of our own power.
Fear of discomfort.
…and so on.
But there’s an even DEEPER level of fear beneath all of these categories of fear.
It’s the ultimate fear that holds us back from changing our behavior or our circumstances.
It’s the fear at the root of all our other fears.
Are you ready?
Here it is:
It’s the fear that you won’t be able to handle it.
I know, it sounds too simple to be true. But think about it…
You fear you won’t be able to handle the discomfort of speaking your truth.
You fear you won’t be able to handle being rejected if you put yourself out there.
You fear you won’t be able to handle failure if you don’t achieve your dreams.
You fear you won’t be able to handle success if you achieve your dreams.
You fear you won’t be able to handle what you’d learn about yourself if you stop judging others.
If you truly felt that you could handle whatever life threw at you, then the things you consider to be holding you back now wouldn’t be issues for you. You would just deal with them.
Here’s what this all comes down to:
The real work of personal development is not about changing the outer circumstances of our lives. It’s about developing our ability to handle whatever life throws at us.
If you find yourself facing the same problem over and over again, it’s likely because there’s a part of your character or personality that is undeveloped (or underdeveloped.)
The reason this part of you is undeveloped is because you’ve disowned it for some reason.
You’ve ignored it.
You’ve avoided it.
You’ve hidden it away.
In the language of depth psychology, these disowned parts become your “shadow.”
This is important to know because if you don’t confront your shadow, it will hold you back from living the kind of life you want.
So what’s the solution?
If you read my last article, you may already know I’ve been working on a program to help you develop and integrate these “disowned” parts of yourself.
Well, I have exciting news…
Enrollment is open. It is a live, virtual group coaching program, which means I get to work with students on a more personal level. (Yes, I’m offering office hours & weekly replays for students who can’t make the live calls.)
I’m really excited about this!
This program is the best, most useful thing I’ve ever created up until now.
I know this because the process of creating it has already transformed certain areas of my own life.
I’m excited to share what I’ve learned with you.
Talk soon,
Ruben