You can also download this episode as an MP3. Or, stream it in the media player below.
“When two people form an intimate relationship, they regulate each other’s psychological and emotional well-being.”
In this episode, I speak with psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine. We talk about attachment theory, which is the subject of his best-selling book, Attached.
In a nutshell, attachment theory is a framework for understanding our behavior and the behavior of others in the context of intimate relationships.
Understanding your attachment style (anxious, avoidant, or secure) has many benefits, including an increased ability to communicate your needs effectively.
If you have historically struggled with relationships—or even if you haven’t—I highly recommend reading Attached.
Topics covered
The practicality of following your interests
Explanation and benefits of attachment theory
How our attachment style affects our behavior in relationships
The benefits of anxiety and threat-sensitivity
How to use attachment theory to improve your relationships
How depending on others can actually make you more independent
Why insecure attachment styles are more often portrayed in the media
Ways to “prime” ourselves for secure attachment
Is there an optimal attachment style?
Can we change our attachment style?
The limits of mindfulness
Notable quotes from Amir
“The co-dependency movement comes from a good place but has become very problematic.”
“The idea that people should be completely autonomous individuals and take care of all their own needs and not depend on anyone else does not agree with our biology.”
“There’s a physiological difference between being alone and being apart.”
“Our need for someone to share our lives with is part of our genetic makeup and has nothing to do with how much we love ourselves or how fulfilled we feel on our own.”
“When we become attached to someone we become one physiological unit….it affects our blood pressure, our heart rate, even our immune system. There’s a study that shows that if you’re in a good relationship and get a cut, it heals faster than if you’re in a bad relationship.”
“The idea is to find the right person to depend on. Co-dependency happens when the other person you’re depending on is not dependable, like a drug addict or alcoholic.”
“Appreciate the secure people in your life.”
“Attachment is the both the basis of suffering but also the basis for healing from suffering.”
Selected links & resources
Amir’s best-selling book Attached
Movie that portrays secure attachment: My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Dyad/Dyadic (sociological concept)
If you liked this episode, check out these…
Please support our sponsor
Skillshare is an online learning community with over 25,000 courses on a wide range of subjects from cooking to writing to watercolor painting. I love it and use it to keep my mind sharp. Try the Premium Membership for free here: skillshare.com/THINKGROW.
What did you think?
Leave me a review on iTunes with your biggest takeaway (I read them all). Or, drop me a comment below. I appreciate your feedback!
Ruben Chavez is a writer and host of The Think Grow Podcast.