In a previous post, I offered a hypothesis:
Well-being is the process of expressing the full range of human values that exist within us. On the other hand, dysfunction and imbalance result from failing to express these values.
But I realized this explanation might be a bit abstract and ambiguous. I think a more concrete way to understand human well-being is in terms of our needs.
We have two fundamental yet conflicting sets of needs: those that support stability and those that support growth.
Many modern people assume change and growth are unquestionably good things. Marketers and politicians use this assumption to their advantage:
“This will change your life!”
“I can change the world!”
“Grow your business to 7 figures!”
But this perspective only tells one side of the story. Growth isn’t always a good thing and not all change is progress. Unregulated growth destabilized the economy in 2008. COVID changed our lives. Natural disasters change things too, but not for the better.
The counterbalance to change and growth are stability and security. These are equally important aspects of well-being (although perhaps not as sexy to talk about).
These categories are not arbitrary. They stem from a basic decision we’ve had to make throughout our evolutionary history:
On one hand, we’ve needed to protect ourselves from potential threats and stay alive (stability/security).
On the other hand, we’ve needed to explore new territory and obtain resources like food and water (growth/change).
These needs run so deep that they drive virtually all of our behavior. In fact, you can think of these categories as two fundamental yet different modes of being.
We still face a version of this dilemma today: How much should we change versus how much should we stay the same?
One one hand, we need stability and security to help regulate our nervous system and provide the foundation that makes growth possible.
Here’s what stability looks like…
On the personal level: Habits, structure, daily routine.
On the interpersonal level: Roles, expectations, and shared history within our relationships.
On the societal level: Traditions, customs, and values shared by a social group.
However, on the other hand we need growth and change to update our systems (and create the system in the first place).
Here’s what change looks like…
On the individual level: Loosening up our daily routine a bit to allow for more flexibility and spontaneity.
On the interpersonal level: Renegotiating our roles within our relationships to reflect our evolving needs.
On the societal level: Rethinking our norms and traditions to be more inclusive of certain groups.
Our Six Needs
These two broad categories can be further broken down into six basic needs—three that support stability and three that support growth.
These needs are based on solid research from psychology and sociology but they also map onto the great philosophical and religious traditions. In other words, I didn’t just make them up. I did, however, organize them into a framework (which I’ll probably spend the rest of my career trying to articulate as clearly as possible because it's that important.)
Finally, it’s worth noting that these are not single needs so much as they are categories of needs that contain multiple levels and dimensions within them. Although I believe we all share the same needs, there are many different ways we can express them.
Okay, let’s first look at our needs that support stability and security:
Relationships:
We have a deep need to belong. Relationships have been crucial to our survival as a species. The ability to form bonds and coalitions with others has been a huge adaptive advantage. Modern research has shown that we are dependent on others to such a degree that our partners even help to regulate our nervous systems. You can think of relationships on the local level (family, romantic partners, friends) and on the societal level (community, social group, nation).
Mastery:
This has to do with our need to feel competent and in control of our environment. We crave certainty and security. Mastery is also the attainment of resources. These include both material resources like wealth, status and accomplishment and also biological resources like sleep, food, and water. On the individual level, mastery looks like habits, structure and daily routine. On the societal level, it looks like tradition, customs, and norms.
Purpose:
We need to feel as though we are part of something bigger than ourselves. We need a sense of meaning, of direction. We need to have a coherent story about how the world works and our place in it. This need also has to do with accepting the unpleasantness inherent in life and even finding meaning in it. We can meet this need in a number of ways, from setting goals to practicing religion. Broadly speaking, this need has to do with the context of our experience.
Now let’s look at our needs that support growth and change:
Autonomy:
This has to do with our need to exercise our will and express our individuality and independence. It’s a pattern of behavior that likely evolved in response to the adaptive challenge of living in small groups with individuals who would otherwise try to dominate or bully others in the group.
Novelty:
This need encompasses our need for exploration and creativity. It’s about engaging with challenges and venturing into unknown territory to gain something of value. It’s about following our curiosity and breaking the rules.
Pleasure:
This represents our needs as biological organisms to satisfy certain desires, including those related to play, taste, and sex. The goals of this need are enjoyment, happiness, and positive emotions. It is largely self-interested. Broadly speaking, this need has to do with the content of our experience.
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So there you have it. You’ll notice that each need is counterbalanced by an opposing need:
Autonomy is balanced by relationships.
Novelty is balanced by mastery.
Pleasure is balanced by purpose.
I realize this seems simple but I’ve barely begun to explain to you how useful this framework can be. Now that you have a basic understanding of these dimensions, I’ll spend the next few weeks showing you how this knowledge can improve your life.
The basic idea is this: well-being is the process of pursuing and meeting our needs in balanced and adaptive ways.
In my next post, I’ll offer some suggestions for how to do this and also tell you about some of the ways I’ve been meeting these needs in my own life.
In the meantime, you can click here to check out some of the podcasts I’ve put out recently.
Ruben Chavez is a writer and host of The Think Grow Podcast.