Think Grow Prosper

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How to deal with suffering

One of the oldest problems that humans have had to deal with is the problem of suffering. Life is full of unpleasant experiences, both psychological and physical.

But it goes even deeper than this: the knowledge of our own mortality is an existential burden that weighs heavily on us. At times life seems purposeless and even absurd.

What are we to do about this?

Over time, we’ve developed two fundamental ways of dealing with the problem of suffering—two strategies, if you will. You can think of these strategies as life philosophies or even modes of being: I'll refer to them as The Pleasure Ethic and The Meaning Ethic, respectively.

I'll explain each of them briefly.

The Pleasure Ethic

The highest values of the Pleasure Ethic are subjective enjoyment, positive emotion, and pleasant experiences. The basic philosophy is this:

Do what makes you happy. Avoid pain. Strive to improve your external conditions. Treat yourself. Have a good time. Pursue your desires.

English philosopher John Stuart Mill sums up this worldview as follows:

“Actions are right in proportion as they tend to promote happiness, wrong as they tend to produce the reverse of happiness. By happiness is intended pleasure and the absence of pain; by unhappiness, pain and the privation of pleasure.”

His predecessor Jeremy Bentham put it even more simply:

“It is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong.”

The Pleasure Ethic drives us to take vacations, eat tasty food, pursue positive emotions, improve our circumstances, and seek enjoyment of all kinds while trying to avoid discomfort.

This philosophy makes perfect sense and is a useful guide in many situations. After all, there are both internal and external conditions worth striving for.

In fact, Utilitarianism—the philosophy associated with this ethic—has had a massive influence on our legal system and the way we think about morality, especially in The West.

But by itself, this philosophy is incomplete.

Why? Because The Pleasure Ethic fails to account for two important facts:

  1. We psychologically adapt to positive experiences very quickly

  2. Unpleasant experiences are an unavoidable part of life since they can never be completely eradicated

That’s where the Meaning Ethic comes in.

The Meaning Ethic

The core tenets of The Meaning Ethic are something like this:

Submit to something bigger than yourself. Do work that matters. Have a powerful and inspiring purpose. Prioritize long term well-being over short-term pleasures. Get in touch with the transcendent. Accept both pleasure and pain as part of the cyclical nature of life.

It turns out that many of life’s most rewarding and enriching experiences can only be had by transcending our own narrow desires and dedicating ourselves to a worthy cause bigger than ourselves—a process which usually involves a degree of unpleasantness (i.e. raising children, accomplishing big life goals).

The Meaning Ethic drives us to start families, get married, practice religion, dedicate ourselves to a cause, create stories, and regard certain things as sacred.

Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl sums up this worldview quite nicely:

“Man’s main concern is not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain but rather to see a meaning in his life. That is why man is even ready to suffer, on the condition, to be sure, that his suffering has a meaning.”

Creating Harmony

So which life philosophy should we adopt?

The answer is...[drum roll please]...it depends.

Sometimes the most useful thing to do is to decrease pain and optimize for maximum positive emotion.

Other times, the best strategy is to accept discomfort as part of being human and find a way to derive a sense of purpose or meaning from it.

In other words, we need both modes of being at different times and in different scenarios. The trick is to strike the proper balance between them.

Regardless of which strategy we employ, we must remember that each has a dark side: Leaning too heavily on The Pleasure Ethic can lead to emptiness and nihilism. Leaning too heavily on The Meaning Ethic leads to resentment and dogmatism.

So how do we integrate these two philosophies into our lives in balanced and adaptive ways? That's a lifelong practice, but here are some guidelines:

Find ways to enjoy life while accepting its unpleasant parts.

Engage in worthwhile causes that also bring you joy.

Take pleasure in pursuing difficult but meaningful goals.

Welcome positive emotions while cultivating a deeper sense of purpose.