As I’ve argued in previous posts, we have two fundamental yet conflicting sets of needs: those that support stability and those that support growth.

Both stem from a basic decision we’ve had to make throughout our evolutionary history:

On one hand, we’ve needed to protect ourselves from potential threats and stay alive (stability/security). On the other hand, we’ve needed to explore new territory and obtain resources like food and water (growth/change).

We still face a version of this dilemma today: How much should we change versus how much should we stay the same?

We need stability and security to help regulate our nervous system and provide the foundation that makes growth possible. This includes habits, routines, expectations (of ourselves and others), and tradition.

However, we also need growth and change to update our systems (and create the system in the first place). This includes rethinking old ways of doing things, loosening up our schedules, and renegotiating expectations when they no longer serve us.

The Dark Side of Needs

While it’s true that stability and change are both crucial aspects of well-being, each can also be taken too far. Too much stability can become rigid and suffocating, while too much change can become chaotic and destabilizing.

Here’s what too much stability can look like:

• On the individual level: feeling trapped by our habits and daily routine to the point where it limits creativity and spontaneity.

• On the interpersonal level: falling into a rut or feeling taken for granted in our relationships.

• On the societal level: norms and traditions that oppress or exclude those that don’t conform.

Here’s what too much change can look like:

• On the individual level: being directionless and having no routines, goals, or structure to your day. 

• On the interpersonal level: unpredictable and volatile relationships with no clear boundaries.

• On the societal level: the wholesale dismantling of institutions and a loss of shared values and meaning.

So how do we navigate this dichotomy?

Should we dismiss the ideas of order and stability as too conservative and throw them out entirely?

No, that would lead to chaos.

Should we cling to our systems for dear life and never make any changes?

No, that would lead to rigidity.

We must instead take the middle path. We must stick to the rules but be willing to break them from time to time. We must have beliefs but be willing to update them when necessary. We must embrace our need for stability but be continually open to change.

Ruben Chavez is a writer and host of The Think Grow Podcast.