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For most of my life, I’ve prided myself on my perfectionism. When people would tell me I was a perfectionist, I would take it as a compliment. 

What I didn’t realize was that it’s actually the thing that’s kept me from reaching my full potential. Here are just a few of the ways perfectionism has held me back:

Negative Consequences of perfectionism

• It has kept me from starting new projects.

• It has caused me to not share what I’m learning with others until my knowledge on the subject is at a master level.

• It has hindered my enjoyment of the creation process.

• It has kept me from posting useful content on social media.

• It has held me back me from cultivating relationships because I’m always waiting to become a better version of myself.

• Essentially, it has kept me from sharing more of myself with others/the world.

Perfectionism vs Striving For Excellence

It’s easy to confuse perfectionism with striving for excellence but they are not the same thing—at all. In fact, these traits are diametrically opposed. Striving for excellence is a virtue, perfectionism is a vice. 

It’s taken me about five years but I think I’ve finally internalized this distinction at the level of my nervous system. Here are some of the ways perfectionism differs from striving for excellence, inspired largely by Brené Brown’s work in Daring Greatly:

• Perfectionism is fueled by external validation—the desire to gain the approval of others. Striving for excellence is fueled by intrinsic motivation—the desire for self-improvement and personal growth. 

• Perfectionism is rooted in the belief that, “If I am good enough, I will be accepted and loved.” Striving for excellence is rooted in the belief that, “My accomplishments do not define me. I derive fulfillment from the process of pursuing what is meaningful to me.”

• The perfectionist views mistakes as personal defects. The striver for excellence views mistakes as opportunities to learn and try harder. 

• Perfectionism is the result of too much of our identity being tied to achieving external outcomes. Striving for excellence is the result of our identity being tied to engaging in the process of achievement with integrity.

• Perfectionism is a form of fear. Fear of failing. Fear of what other people think. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of not being loved (as a result of not being good enough). Striving for excellence is a form of courage. It involves taking action toward worthwhile goals in spite of the judgments and opinions of others.  

• Perfectionism is a form of over-protection. It is an attempt to shield oneself from criticism and judgment by making no mistakes. Paradoxically, this makes the perfectionist more fragile and less capable of dealing with judgement and criticism in the future. Striving for excellence is a form of courage. It involves persisting in the face of criticism. The striver for excellence is resilient and anti-fragile because he or she uses criticism and feedback to grow and improve.

• Perfectionism is a vicious circle: The perfectionist attributes judgement and criticism to imperfect execution (rather than viewing it as an inevitability of life). This results in attempts to be more perfect in order to gain approval. Striving for excellence has no such feedback loop. 

In short, perfectionism is a vice that often masquerades as a virtue. There is no amount of perfectionism that is good, just as there is no degree of cowardice that is desirable. 

As ultra social creatures, we are always assessing how other people are perceiving us. This is a normal and healthy evolved adaptation to our social environment—but only up to a point. When it starts to corrode our happiness, creativity, and internal compass, it has gone too far and must be put in check.

Ruben Chavez is a writer and host of The Think Grow Podcast.