What do you say when you talk to yourself?

Most people have an inner voice. Often, this voice can be helpful, like when we plan for an interview, think about what we want to say in a presentation, or rehearse a potentially contentious conversation with our partner.

According to neuroscientist and author of Chatter, Ethan Kross, our inner voice helps us access our working memory so we can:

• Better control our behavior

• Plan for the future

• Make sense of the complex world around us

But this inner voice can also be destructive, like when we:

• Catastrophize problems

• Get stuck in irrational thought loops

• Obsess over unlikely scenarios

Usually, this kind of negative self-talk is sparked by adversity or other stressful situations.

Kross refers to this kind of inner voice as chatter and he warns that it can be harmful to our relationships, our work, and even our physical health.

One thing I appreciate about Kross's approach, however, is that he doesn’t simply write off our inner voice as being wholly destructive, like many others. His view is more balanced and acknowledges that our inner voice evolved for a reason and can be both an asset and a liability.

Here are four strategies for dealing with your destructive inner voice from Kross's book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head and How to Harness It:

1. Pretend you are advising a friend.

Negative mental chatter is often brought about by adverse events. When we are in the middle of a crisis, it's often difficult to think reasonably about our situation.

However, most of us can usually offer level-headed advice to a friend going through a challenge, partly because we're not as emotionally invested.

Pretend you are that friend can help you get some distance from your problem will help you to see it more objectively.

2. Write down your thoughts.

Simply putting your unfiltered thoughts down on paper will allow you to get some distance from them and process them more effectively.

You can even build a habit of doing this daily first thing in the morning as a kind of preventative maintenance.

3. Broaden your perspective.

Chatter often happens when we zoom in on one part of a problem, inflaming our emotions and losing any sense of creative solutions.

Instead, try zooming out and asking yourself if the issue you’re dealing with will still be a problem in a week, a month, a year, or longer.

4. Get into nature.

When we experience something vast and indescribable, we experience a shrinking of the Self.

Interestingly, when we feel smaller, so does our mental chatter. The emotion that underlies these kinds of experiences is awe and it has been shown to help calm our nervous systems and increase mindfulness.

I hope these simple strategies help you harness your inner voice. How do you deal with your mental chatter?

Cheers,

Ruben

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